How many times would you wish to have more confidence? That you would have accomplished more if you were a bit more confident ?!
You can build that confidence . In order to do that you have to understand what confidence is and then follow the ways on how to build it.
Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand brake on.
Maxwell Maltz
Remember this :
Confidence isn’t something we born with but something that we build.
What confidence is.
Confidence is to do what you believe in the way you believe, setting aside your fears, your comfort zone, what may others think of it.
Confidence comes not from always being right but from not fearing to be wrong.
Peter T. Mcintyre.
Confidence is an inner power. Is the power to believe in you, is the feeling of certainty that you can accomplish whatever you set on your mind.
It doesn’t mean tho that it will solve all your problems. Being confident doesn’t mean you will be completely sure about yourself all the time. We all have good and bad days.
The point is to be confident enough, have the self-belief, the trust in you, that you are able to handle a problem or situation no matter what and learn from it no matter the result!
We are able to build our confidence in simple ways in our every day life:
Ways to build confidence.
We build confidence with our every day actions, our beliefs about ourselves and our trust in our capability of doing things. Also we also build it with our mindset and our psychology – body language.
1. Action above words
People respect people when they say they’re going to do something and they do it.
It is ok to plan things to do. But it is way better to do them. Not only for people’s respect but for your self. Doing things, taking action requires more confidence and self-discipline than just saying them.
Start simple:
Create a – to do- list for every day. The first month just put 2 different things in that list every single day. Not too difficult or too easy. And be sure to do them.
Confidence is to do what you said you will no matter what.
2. Step out from your comfort zone.
That brings us to one of my favorite, and something that helped me a lot! Get out of your comfort zone every day!
We like to be comfort, our brain does like it more!
Life begins at the end of your comfort zone
Neale Donald Walsch
The real fun and excitement is out of our comfort zone. To things we never experienced.
I wont say it is easy but we can take one step at a time. Remember that list from the above? Put one thing that is out of your comfort zone.
It doesn’t have to be something extraordinary at the beginning, a cold shower or asking one pretty girl on the street “what time is it” is fine.
Be sure to add things tho, on and on. This way you use a bit of willpower as long as building willpower.
That way we build confidence because we do things we thought we never will. Seeing ourselves doing things like these we believe more and more on ourselves. Building also the mindset of confidence.
Life is an adventure lying out of our comfort zone.
3. Face your fears.
We don’t need to hide, we all have fears. Facing our fears is an act to build confidence.
The first step is to acknowledge our fears and name them. This action alone is a form of confidence.
Then comes the fun. We just go and face them. A friendly reminder: it isn’t fear that keeps us from jumping the cliff.
The fears we don’t face become our limits.
Being brave enough to face and overcome your fears builds your self-belief. Builds the trust you need to have to yourself and therefore you will build up confidence.
4. Improve what you can change, Learn to Accept what you can’t change.
This one helped me a lot, because i was someone that would love to have everything under control.
Living that way creates a lot of stress in every day life. And being stressed means less confidence and determination.
They way I see it now is like a poker game. I play the cards I have/get, trying my best.
Focusing on things like this, means we focus more on ourselves – the thing we are able to change the most- thus self-improvement. So we believe more and more on ourselves,that means building confidence!
5. Stand up for yourself.
Ever been somewhere that you were afraid to say your opinion or your voice, when it came out, wasn’t loud and clear??
It sure have happened to me and may happen again in the future.
We think that saying something totally different of what others believe in a group of people will make us feel embarrassed and anxious. “I will sound stupid” etc.
Although I will analyze about communication skills in another post.
We are and we are perceived more confident when we say our opinion loud and clear than when we just mumble it and hope that not many listen to it.
Stand up for yourself with self-assertiveness, say what you believe and be ready to face anything that’s coming with it.
We better differ or proven wrong than nothing at all!
6. Don’t seek approval or care what people think.
There is no point in seeking approval or care what people think.
Do you think that anyone that achieved great things ever cared what others think or may think??
Confidence is not “They will like me”
Confidence is “I will be Okey if they don’t”
Christina Grimmie
People are free to think whatever they want to. We aren’t in control of what others may or will think. And most of the times believe me they don’t!
On the other hand we can only “control” our thoughts. Therefore a great way to alter this seeking of approval is to bend our reality. Because most of the times people will think only what we believe they will.
Also there is the “spotlight effect”. In a nutshell it says that we , humans, are mostly concerned about ourselves. We think way more about us than we do about others. You can notice it yourself. Also go check this video recently made by a Improvement pill about the “spotlight effect” .
So confidence meaning is to do things the way you want and understand and not because someone else will disapprove , thus be in a mindset to freely welcome and learn from your mistakes!!
Positive thinking and state of mind.
I strongly believe that positive thinking is hands down a life changing habit or ability or whatever you want to call it.
It not only means that we say everything is going to be fine and it doesn’t matter that something went the other way of which we planned. But it also means we find and look at the positives in every situation we are in either good or bad.
Positive thinking will keep us going no matter what, thus we will build our confidence and self-discipline.
Positive thinking is not only a habit or ability it is after all a state of mind.
It is above all a state of mind that once we make it ours it will always be there!
A man cannot be comfortable without his own approval!
Mark Twain
I could define confidence as the state to be positive in every aspect of our lives no matter the situation we are in.
Bonus Tips.
Physiology and Body Language.
Walking in to a room sometimes we spot confident people immediately. And that’s because of their body language – and in my opinion because of their strong sense of self-belief.
You may think that they do it unconsciously. But I can assure you that they have trained themselves for that.
Posture is a key to confidence.
Stand up. Square yours holders. Chest out. Neck as back as it goes to make the chin parallel to the ground. Back straight-vertical to the ground. Feet in line with shoulders looking forward and a bit turned outwards. The stomach should already gone in-as possible. Finally hands down outside of your pockets, hanging genuinely to the sides. that’s it.
You should already feel more comfortable and confident about yourself.
Practice that in front of a mirror for many times per day. Key for posture is awareness. Be sure to walk like this too.
Smile to the world.
Always smile. A simple smile can change everything. That tiny little movement of the lips creates a huge chain reaction to mood and brain chemistry.
Smile to people around you and try to do it genuinely. Make it a habit. As a result you will be and appear more confident. Thus you will be able to smile genuinely in tough situations, what is mire confident that this?
Posture life hack for instant confidence.
That is backed up by science and many researches. You can alter your Confidence instant with your posture.
Before an important meeting or presentation sit or better stand up in an open position. That has to do with the chemistry going into our brains. Being in an open position sends signals to the brain that everything is ok – no threats ! Take the most space possible, on both standing or sitting.
A great stance is the superman stance.! Stand like this for 2-5 minutes. As a result you will feel a strong sense of self-belief:
There are more tips and informations about body language coming in later posts.
Obtain Reference experience.
Let’s say we want to play guitar and sing in front of a huge audience.
In first sight Great goal, but we will need a lot of confidence and self-belief despite the fact that we should know how to play and sing. Lets suppose we know how to play guitar and sing.
There is no way to have the confidence to that from day zero. You have to build it. I mention above many ways to build confidence. Although when it comes to a specific activity/situation we can focus extra on that.
So Lets continue with the guitar example. In order to perform in a huge audience you first need to do that in half a dozen people or less, i.e. a house party with some friends. Then go on with a bit more people till you feel confident and comfortable to perform in stage with an audience. As you keep going you will be more confident and sure about your performance and yourself on stage and in front of a big audience!
Despite the fact that confidence will come it doesn’t tho mean it will come easy and fast. You have to try.
As a result at the end of the journey you will be able to perform wherever you want to. It will feel like you own it, and noone can shake it.
This method can be applied in anything specific you need to build more confidence in. Chunk it to pieces you can handle and become comfortable and confident and keep adding a piece at a time. I can assure you that it worth it, but it won’t be easy and i will take time.
Just keep pushing forward!
Great video by Improvement Pill (watch his videos! ) – https://youtu.be/yvHkgwyVZZQ
Mindset – Point of view (power of perspectives)
When unconfident try to see the Bigger picture. Detach yourself from the situation and see it for what it is. Try find as many positive points of view as possible.
In a college presentation instead of thinking what am i going to say, how they gonna receive it, what they gonna thing ; say to yourself i will present to them what i know and learned and they are here to learn from me.
Do What makes you happy.!
Last but not least and one if the most important in my opinion is to do what makes you happy.
First of all you do it because you love, you like it, you enjoy it.
That means no matter how difficult or weird or time consuming it is, it makes you happy. Happiness is a feeling we all seek.!
Thus we do it unconditionally, We are confident enough to say “it makes me happy” and therefore more confident to keep it going!
Take it or leave it!!
Spark-lightning in the chest.
I discover that from a meditation technique. Although i don’t remember the technique right now because I alternate it to fit me!
When I am in doubt and feel uncertain about something or I i need a push to believe more in myself at the given time; I imagine that I have a spark/lightning right in the middle of the body, to my chest. And that this spark/lightning carries a form of confidence and “being present” power.
That power of course is already in me..!
Try it and let me know if it worked for you as well.!
Conclusion
In our self-improvement journey we will need the trust in ourselves. So we nees to build and have confidence!
Being confident doesn’t mean you never fail. Being confident means that if you do experience failure, you can pick yourself back up and try again instead of throwing in the towel. True confidence embodies a willingness to go on even when faced with adversity. Whatever happens, you can face it and come out on top. That’s confidence.
Confidence after all is all about balance. Low confidence and we fear to challenge ourselves, high confidence and we will be arrogant and egotistical and cocky.
To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is The Greatest Accomplishment.!
Ralph Waldo Emerson.
Keep Improving! Keep it simple!